Taking the good and the bad in Polyamory

Not every couple feels satisfied with a monogamous relationship, and rather than turn to casual flings and open relationships, they identify as polyamorous and explore the world of ‘Many Loves’. Polyamory is about engaging in loving, romantic relationships fluidly with multiple partners in a consensual, ethically non-monogamous fashion.  

In an exclusive interview done by the dating experts at Datingroo, the experiences of one polyamorous individual was explored as he came to terms with his identity and discussed his views on the polyamorous community, as well as his experiences with that kind of lifestyle, the boundaries of polyamorous relationships, and more.  

There are many perks to living a polyamorous lifestyle that many people may take for granted if they are unfamiliar with the polyamorous community. However, as Zachary Zane points out in Rolling Stone, these kind of relationships demand a high level of communication between its members, and this can lead to complications that couples in monogamous relationships may not experience.  

These issues, which include a need for strong and clear communication, are exacerbated by the current global pandemic, according to Kari Paul of the Guardian. Afterall, the recent era of social distancing has put a community whose relationships thrive on socializing into a complex negotiation of values and partner decisions.  

However, despite these issues and the current worldwide lockdown we must all grapple and come to terms with, there are undeniably some positive elements to polyamory that many enjoy nonetheless. Here, we will go over some of the good and the bad that polyamorists face in their relationships. 

The Good 

Communal communication Freedom to discuss problems, either personal or otherwise, with multiple partners. This can mean that mediation is easily available and the potential for polarized opinions is limited.  

Broader intimate support structures Because there are multiple people involved in a relationship, partners can enjoy the benefits of a broader emotional support structure from those within the polyamorous relationship.  

Greater depths of knowledge When more and more people come together, they inevitably share their own experiences, skills, resources, and perspectives. This can benefit all parties in the relationship so long as they keep an open mind and are receptive to others.  

More options for your future Because couples are not in strictly monogamous relationships, there is flexibility for those who do and those who don’t want children or are perhaps asexual. This means that if one partner does not want children or is simply looking for a loving, plutonic relationship, the other partner can find something else from one of the others in the relationship.  

The lightening of burdens Because we know that there is a greater amount of emotional, intellectual and sexual needs being shared amongst individuals, it is also clear that no individual is expected to provide everything to one person. In opposition to monogamy, one need not be a jack-of-all trades, as there are multiple people to help. 

The Bad 

Time management can be tricky This is an inevitable problem for anyone who has multiple partners. The more people one becomes involved with, the less time they get to spend with other individuals. This also means that some people may feel unsatisfied with how much attention they are getting, and even worse, that some personal needs aren’t being met.  

Uneven authority amongst partners Sometimes a partner can have much more power over one or more of the others in the relationship, either due to having more resources, being better looking, or having an easier time starting up new relationships with others. This can leave some people feeling submissive to some members in a relationship and, unfortunately, unhappy because of this. This can also lead to making the arrangement clearly more beneficial to that partner than the others. 

Difficulty for those who do not communicate well Not least of all is the ever-important value of communication. Because it is vital in a polyamorous relationship, those who have difficulty communicating can easily find themselves at a disadvantage when paired with other partners who are more eloquent or articulate.