Cool Places for a Date

This wonderfully gaudy and glitzy decor in this swish Anglo-Russian restaurant is an easy conversation starter. The ‘press for champagne’ button on every table will come in handy if your date starts talking about their own home improvement projects, or politics. Just drink through it, darling.

Excellent food in any of the capital’s three outposts, the kind of place someone who can recognise a cheese when wearing a blindfold would love. It’s low-lit in case your skincare routine isn’t coming up with the goods that evening, and intimate enough that you can probably do all that appalling hand-holding over the table without anyone noticing. (But please don’t do this.)

Airy, sophisticated and chic, the NPG is the perfect place for a slow wander arm-in-arm through some of the world’s most famous mugshots. Good conversation starter too – ascribing ‘would bonk’ and ‘wouldn’t bonk’ status on various celebs or long-dead ministers for the Department of Agriculture.

Romantic, atmospheric, and a chance to appreciate the beauty of classical music in muted lighting and celestial surroundings. And with a bit of luck you might get a smidge of Vivaldi or something you recognise off an advert.

If your thirst for one another can survive being kettled by Instagrammers photographing giant strawberries while you’re choking on a cloud of raclette steam, maybe it’s meant to be. And there’ll be oysters – nature’s phlegmy, gritty Viagra.

A bracing walk in Parliament Hill Fields and then the chance to stare out at the London skyline in all its bleak and haunting beauty. And if you get bored, you can always venture farther into the Heath to visit the infamous F•ck Tree, favoured by George Michael in his cruising days.

It has to be done, really. I know. As imaginative a date locale as ham is a sandwich filling, the south side of the river does at least host a couple of date-friendly bars, in the National Theatre and the BFI. Perfect for staring out at the glimmering, murky river and questioning your life choices as you resolve to delete Hinge as soon as you get home.

Flashy, a little cheesy maybe, and the vista of a distant Lewisham isn’t for everyone, but the surroundings are luxe enough to keep things romantic. Plus, you would be surprised how strong a bond can be forged over dainty sandwiches and scones the size of a thumbnail.

The monarch of bookshops is a theme park for literary nerds. Gauge your date’s long term potential with a sneak preview of their bedtime reading – scurry off in different directions and pick out a book for one another. If they come back with something spicy like ‘Heated Rivalry’, buckle up, baby; if they hand you a copy of ‘The Gonorrhoea Cookbook’, perhaps fake a stomach ache.

Nothing says commitment like wandering several hectares of polite and tasteful ‘small c’ home furnishings. Feel your heart burst with love as you imagine the lovely things in a flat you don’t yet share – and get a good idea just how rabid and ugly a cushion habit your date may cultivate in the future. Then go for a scone in the top floor café and check whether anyone has favourited you on Tinder in the last 24 hours.